Life is good. Should I be scared?

If everything seems to be well, it's probably not. Just when you think hard times are over, something horrible is bound to happen.

Some people would call me pessimistic, but I really feel that I'm just trying to prepare myself. (Which, of course, never works.) With the Christmas season half over and things getting back to normal, it just feels like there is something looming ahead. Things are fine right now. We are almost recovered from horrible colds, we didn't overdo our budget, and everyone in our life seems to be getting along just great! The congregation is faithful and strong. Our kids are doing well with potty training. The house is nearly clean. Something I don't like is bound to happen!

Of course, I try not to dwell on it being anything disastrous or completely heart-breaking. I just wonder what appliance is going to break. What part of the house is going to need repairs? What will be the next debate in the Church?

I'd like to think that everything will continue to be well and get ever better, but I feel that I'd just be setting myself up for disappointment. I know I'm not alone in this. I know everyone tends to feel this way, probably a lot. I just wish I could shake the feeling and enjoy the good times more.

It is the bad times that my faith is strongest. It's always when I need God that I feel his presence the most. He always answers my prayers and it always works out to His good. (Which I later see is my good as well.)

"The King of Love My Shepherd Is"
by Henry W. Baker, 1821-1877

1. The King of Love my Shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am His
And He is mine forever.

2. Where streams of living water flow,
My ransomed soul He leadeth,
And where the verdant pastures grow,
With food celestial feedeth.

3. Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,
But yet in love He sought me
And on His shoulder gently laid
And home, rejoicing, brought me.

4. In death's dark vale I fear no ill,
With Thee, dear Lord, beside me;
Thy rod and staff my comfort still,
Thy cross before to guide me.

5. Thou spreadst a table in my sight,
Thy unction grace bestoweth;
And, oh! the transport of delight
With which my cup o'erfloweth.

6. And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness faileth never.
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise
Within Thy house forever!

Hymn #431 from The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 23
Author: Henry W. Baker, 1868
Composer: Michael Praetorius, 1610
Tune: "Ich dank' dir schon"

Greta Smiles

Greta has been almost smiling for quite awhile now. I'm not sure if any of them I could call real smiles, until yesterday! She definitely smiled at me and later that day smiled at Matthew. I even got a picture of her smiling at him!

We also had our 6 weeks midwife appointment yesterday. I'm 1 pound less than my pre-pregnancy weight and Greta is now 11lbs. 10oz. and 23 1/2 in. long! The miracle of Mommy's milk!

Greta Nicole

After 8 1/2 hours of really hard labor, Greta Nicole Jeffords arrived at home on April 30! She tipped the scales at 10lbs. 5oz. and 21 in. long! Despite being a big baby, I only pushed for 12 minutes. More to come later after I write her birth story!

Oh So Pregnant

I'm really hoping that the reason this baby has not been born yet is because he/she is very relaxed and laid back and not because he/she is stubborn. I'm trying not to be too antsy about it.

I had a belly cast done yesterday. It's not completely dry yet, but it looks so neat. I know that some people are weirded out by them-it is a literal cast of my torso, shoulders, breasts, belly, and a little leg. I just think that it's such a neat way to commemorate a pregnancy. We will probably hang it in our room, maybe paint it. I'm not quite sure yet.

I updated my profile picture. My last one was me very pregnant with Lena! The new one was taken just about a week ago at 38 weeks pregnant.

When this baby is born, I will post his/her birth story and pictures. I may need some reminders by email, phone, or even facebook. I check facebook a lot more than I do this blog. :) Pray for a safe birth!

Sleepy

Lena was so bad last night. I really can't figure out why. At first I thought that maybe she was hungry because we didn't have much of a dinner. That took care of it for awhile. (That and sleeping in mommy's bed.) She wouldn't stay in her bed and I can't sleep well with her in my bed. Finally I went and "slept" on the futon. Comfy, but I was too frustrated by then to sleep. She was still waking up. I'm sure that Matthew was trying to keep her calm, but she's really a momma's girl. Then I realized her diaper was very very wet. I didn't even think to check because she is really good during the day about telling me when she's wet. So I changed her and she still wouldn't sleep in her bed or without me. So I just decided to get up and get some things done. I finally got her to go to sleep on the futon. It wouldn't be too bad being up nice and early, except that the whole time change thing has really really thrown me off. I stayed up until 2am! I'm usually in bed by 11pm, so I could understand if I started going to bed at 12am or 1am, but 2am!? It's really absurd. Of course it doesn't help that since I'm up so late, I sleep late. (When I can. I got to yesterday.) It's just been really throwing my days and nights off. Maybe I'll get to have a short nap today, and go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I don't think I'll make it without a nap today.

Here I Stand

I would be so surprised if anyone still reads this considering I NEVER POST ANYTHING!

The pregnancy is going well. I had good results with my glucose screening-something that I failed when pregnant with Lena. I'm still planning on the baby being a big one, just so if it's not, I'll be pleasantly surprised. Just for the record, I think this is a boy. Of course, I thought Lena was going to be a boy as well. As always, either way I'll be happy. I am so eager to hold this baby-I feel so ready for a little one! Lena has pretty much weaned herself from nursing. She still occasionally asks, but only maybe once a week or less.

Even though I feel so ready for another baby, I'm not so sure about the birth. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY ready to have the pregnancy done with. (It's getting a bit uncomfortable.) I just keep thinking about Lena's birth. I know that some people think that we shouldn't have a homebirth again because of what happened. What happened did not happen because we were at home! It would have happened in a hospital as well. There is no one thing or one person to blame as there are so many factors that we didn't/don't/will never know about with Lena's birth. My labor was so fast, there is no way we would have even gotten to the hospital anyway. Plus, things were very different with that pregnancy. Lena had a one in a million placental abnormality, I was having glucose problems, and my labor was so fast. This time-not much chance of placental problems again, no high blood-sugars, and our midwife is 10 minutes away. (The hospital is about 15 or so.)

I'm not scared about the same thing happening. I'm scared that I'll freak out. I'm scared that something will happen that will make me think of Lena's birth and my body will go into retreat. I know that I shouldn't worry about it-not with all the support I'll have from Matthew, the midwife, and anyone else that attends. I just really need this to be a healing birth.