Here I Stand

I would be so surprised if anyone still reads this considering I NEVER POST ANYTHING!

The pregnancy is going well. I had good results with my glucose screening-something that I failed when pregnant with Lena. I'm still planning on the baby being a big one, just so if it's not, I'll be pleasantly surprised. Just for the record, I think this is a boy. Of course, I thought Lena was going to be a boy as well. As always, either way I'll be happy. I am so eager to hold this baby-I feel so ready for a little one! Lena has pretty much weaned herself from nursing. She still occasionally asks, but only maybe once a week or less.

Even though I feel so ready for another baby, I'm not so sure about the birth. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY ready to have the pregnancy done with. (It's getting a bit uncomfortable.) I just keep thinking about Lena's birth. I know that some people think that we shouldn't have a homebirth again because of what happened. What happened did not happen because we were at home! It would have happened in a hospital as well. There is no one thing or one person to blame as there are so many factors that we didn't/don't/will never know about with Lena's birth. My labor was so fast, there is no way we would have even gotten to the hospital anyway. Plus, things were very different with that pregnancy. Lena had a one in a million placental abnormality, I was having glucose problems, and my labor was so fast. This time-not much chance of placental problems again, no high blood-sugars, and our midwife is 10 minutes away. (The hospital is about 15 or so.)

I'm not scared about the same thing happening. I'm scared that I'll freak out. I'm scared that something will happen that will make me think of Lena's birth and my body will go into retreat. I know that I shouldn't worry about it-not with all the support I'll have from Matthew, the midwife, and anyone else that attends. I just really need this to be a healing birth.